So April 8th it's actually warm enough to take Clay outside without being all snuggled up in his sleepy wrap :) I carry him over to the ball park/soccer field next to our place, set up a couple of sheets on the ground and lay down with him to breastfeed. He pretty much falls asleep, and I lay there with him for a while, perfectly content to just stare at the clouds passing by... Mmmm, the smell of sweet new grass, the warm fragrance of spring. I chow down on a turkey salad sandwich, being mindful not to shower Clay with crumbs :P Clay is on the edge of sleep. He is betrayed only by the periodic nom-nomming on my breast, not for milk, just for comfort. I watch him silently, all bundled up next to me. A receiving blanket I thought would be bigger lay draped over the two of us, just enough to cover my belly and his poofy legs. Suck-suck-suck-suck...suck-suck......suck...Hhrrrrrrmphggrrrmm! He begins to squirm, maybe because of gas. He might have to poop, but I don't want to do EC with him outside yet, it's still to chilly for his bare baby bum!
He settles down again but I know it won't last long. I breathe in deep, and savor my little boy as he is in this moment. I think of my friend's new baby, weighing 8 ounces more than Clay! I held him on Easter, the day after he was born and was so amazed at how tiny he was compared to my chunky 2 month old! How is it even possible for him to grow so quickly??
Two little girls come running up from behind me, and they yell, "what's your name!?"
"Zoe!" I shout back... If they come any closer they'll probably see Clay nursing on my exposed booby... I wonder about that prospect for a few moments, then I hear someone calling from a distance for them to come back. A couple seconds later I hear someone asking "who is that?" I lay my head back down on my arm... Some people think little kids shouldn't see women breastfeeding... Sometime between toddlerhood and the early teens I suppose, breasts become known as private parts, sexual parts... I felt that way until I began my breastfeeding journey... Now, ironically, these fantastic porn star jugs are anything but sexual to me xP lol I go days without even passively thinking about sex!
I finish feeding Clay by sticking my little finger in his mouth to break his persistent comfort sucking, and I wait a few minutes. I pick him up and he opens his eyes with a smile :) He likes it outside, I think. We have some belly time and it goes really well. He doesn't get as frustrated on his tummy like he used to. He's getting better at it now, he can move and he probably feels accomplished about it! He looks around with new eyes at the big grassy field surrounding him, and he hears the kids playing in the distance. After a while he starts fussing. I can tell it's time to leave. I pack up our belongings, pick him up and scoop up the blankets, then head home. I pass a group of tweenage (wannabe) gangsters on the way, and smile at them, thinking about the life ahead of Clay and how proud I am to be his mum, no matter what.
No comments:
Post a Comment