I realized I haven't exactly made a post about my experience with breastfeeding, and it's such an integral part of my mommy-hood that at first I didn't understand why... I thought about it and I realize now that I didn't know how to really explain all the quirks and qualities of BFing... I don't think it's something that can be understood in words, unless you know breastfeeding like I do, and like other BFing mom's do. It's just like labour and birth, and parenting in general. You may think you know what it's all about, but until you're actually there, experiencing it all... well at that point the majority of our preconceived notions go flying right out the window, awkwardly stuttering and stumbling out of our perfect dream of the perfect motherhood. Am I right?
Just like all writing you may have read on labour, birth, parenting and other articles on breastfeeding, this one may be equally as helpful perhaps in a textbook learning kind of way, but it will not prepare you for all of it's life-affirming beauty, and all it's milky, blistery, haggardness. And if words could explain, I certainly wouldn't want to deprive you of the intense mothering experience the act of learning to breastfeed will offer you :) Regardless, here is my best attempt to shed some light on our own little BFing world. Enjoy!
The Beginning...
When Clay was first born, I planned on having him do the "breast crawl", where I would leave him on my abdomen for as long as it took for him to find the breast on his own and latch on. Apparently it helps them learn faster how to latch more efficiently than the new mama trying to teach them how. After all, the baby was just born with that reflex, and as a first time mother immediately post-labour, we pretty much just fumble about without a clue (and more often than not, baby knows best). Unfortunately, since I kept bleeding after Clay was born, the nurse helped by massaging my abdomen to try and speed up the delivery of the placenta, and Clay HATED it. When they stopped pressing, he calmed right down, but as soon as they started up again he screamed. Also, since I lost so much blood (and I was up for like 2 days doing the hardest work of my life, surviving off a sporadic diet of raisins and toast), I was feeling pretty woozy. I handed him to my bare-chested partner after a while of mama to baby skin to skin so I could recover a little bit.
I don't even remember how long it was until I tried to nurse him :P And I don't seem to recall the first time I did either... I do remember that at first and for a long while afterwards, he just wouldn't open his mouth enough! His tiny mouth seemed to be no match for my exceedingly busty bosoms... not to mention he would fall asleep after just a few seconds. I remember being so excited when I heard his tiny self actually swallowing my colostrum... "k......k...." In a way I'm kinda glad that I ended up staying at the hospital for a couple nights. I was able to get some breastfeeding support and advice on different positions, and when I totally bawled my eyes out and lost it the first night, my neighbor kindly assured me that it was just my milk coming in lol. I have dreamy memories of me in the hospital bed, Eric on a cot, in our shared hospital room. We took turns sleeping with the new baby Clay, and he slept a lot thankfully. When he cried we tried to figure out what was wrong, when instead I probably could have just nursed him again, and again... and again. To be honest I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to breastfeeding before having him. I knew I would, but I didn't think there was much I could do to prepare (aside from reading some repetitive manuals, and learning to hand express colostrum). I knew in my head how much a newborn needed to feed, but I was very confused and so tired that I didn't readily whip out a boob to feed him when he cried. Eric helped soothe him a lot in those early days.
My nipples hurt from his teeny attempts, and after a few days I developed horrid blisters... At one point one nipple started bleeding (and the thought crossed my mind that Clay was a tiny vampire). They were both black, blistery sucking things, and Clay and I were struggling. At one point Eric began to worry... "I don't think he's getting enough... maybe... do you think he might need formula?" I snapped, "No, I am Not using formula, thank you." He hovered and worried like a mother hen for the first little while, constantly offering his opinion on positioning and proper latch techniques. Frankly, it annoyed me most times that he presumed to know more than the woman with the tits (although I know in hindsight that his suggestions were of the purest intent). I'm just stubborn and "independent" (yeah, that's what I'll call it :P), and maybe this kind of help from the man in the picture is more appreciated by other women (maybe :P).
At first we tried splitting the night shifts, and it didn't last long. I couldn't sleep if he was crying while Eric was trying to soothe him, Eric could (and most certainly would (lol)) sleep if he was crying and I soothed him. Most of the time he wouldn't stop crying unless I fed him (he was a newborn, it was silly of me to think that he wouldn't want to feed all hours of the night). I came to dread the words, "... I think he's hungry." to which I would frustratingly retort, "I JUST FED HIM!!" Once I learned (and once Clay's latch got good enough) to BF lying down, and I stopped trying to wake Eric up (are all men this impossible to wake up???), life got much easier (around 1 month).
Sometimes when my nipples hurt to much or when I just wanted to be sure that Clay was getting enough, I would express some milk and feed him with a little cup (I admit, it was largely to get him to sleep for longer stretches by making sure he was full! :P).
Now (4 months old)
Everything evened out over the next two or three months. Things were perfect for a while, and then there were times when it felt like we were starting all over again like he forgot how to latch properly, so we would try new positions and things went back to normal again. Now it seems like we're seasoned pros at the whole thing, although each new stage of development comes with it's own challenges. For example, Clay is more easily distracted now, so in the middle of feedings if something catches his interest, he will forget to let go of my boob and yank his head this way or that. Most times he'll just pop off and it doesn't hurt (much anyway :P), but recently he's become more determined to take the boob with him, and he chomps down to get a real good grip on it. I won't have much of that!
So since the beginning, he's gotten a lot more efficient at feeding, his latch is pro, he can nurse lying down, sitting up, in the mei tai carrier, in the ring sling and even a couple times on the potty during a challenging bowel movement :P Once you get the hang of it, it starts to feel as natural as it is, just hang in there, and get help if you need it!
A Matter of Sleep...
I have to say one of the best things about breastfeeding is it's ability to put a baby to sleep. More so as a newborn, but even at 4 months, if he's tired at all it'll send him off into a sweet milky slumber. It's great at night time, because when he wakes up in most cases, all he needs is a little snack and he's back to sleep. Since we learned to nurse lying down together this has become a very simple nightly routine (I don't have to pick him up or move him since we bed share (unless he needs to go potty), just stick a booby in his mouth and he's happy!).
I understand some people are of the impression that a baby shouldn't be put to sleep on the boob because they will come to rely on it for sleep, but in my opinion, I think the properties of breast milk are present for a reason... for example, the hormone oxytocin (which is also released just after orgasm in fact, it's that sleepy cuddly feeling ;)), the high fat content, prolactin, melatonin (the sleep hormone), cholecystokinin (now that's a mouth full!) all help to relax mama and baby. Something else to consider is that breast milk actually has day-specific "ingredients" that stimulate activity in the babe, and night-time components that help the baby to rest (Dr Cristina Sanchez)! Now that's enough evidence for me and many tired moms to forget trying to rock a screaming baby back to sleep in the wee hours of the night (although I will admit it is necessary at times, especially when babe's gassy). When in doubt (and when not :P) Just breastfeed! Nature made it that simple.
A Matter of Feeling Important Enough
In the same way, it also helps to calm a baby down and ground them when they are upset throughout the day. Crying for any length of time releases stress hormones, which are detrimental to brain development. If baby is upset and was just fed, sure check his diaper, see if he needs a pee, but I believe it's crucial that we not let our babies cry for extended periods of time while we try to figure out what's wrong, or simply because we are too busy to feed them. Breastfeeding, is about more than just physical nourishment. When you respond to your baby's cries promptly and offer him the best thing in world, a warm sweet smelling breast to soothe him, you are communicating to him that he will always be provided with affection and nourishment when he needs it, without being chastised for asking.
A Matter of Convenience
Breastfeeding is so convenient. It requires no preparation, meaning no sterilizing, mixing, warming or planning ahead of time. Your breasts will come with you wherever you go, you can't forget them at home, you can't go wrong, and you don't have to worry about those money grabbing companies selling you faulty formula. Mother's milk is quick and easy, affordable, safe, and by far the healthiest food mankind has ever known.A Matter of Nature
I could go on for... a long time about the unending list of health benefits nursing your newborn, baby, toddler, and even your child provides, but these things can be found in every other article on breastfeeding you'll encounter (minus the benefits of nursing your 6 year old ;)), so I will say only this; Breasts were made for breastfeeding. They were not made (specifically anyway...) to be neatly tucked into a padded lacy bra so that men would be overcome by their intoxicating power ;). They are beautiful, they are sexy and
they are womanly, but it seems that society has become somewhat greedy and forceful in their opinions on what function women's breasts should serve. Perhaps because a large amount of men (and women) were deprived of their mother's beautiful bosoms as an infant, they would become possessive of the boobies they've come to view in an overly sexual way, and even repulsed by the thought of them being used as a infant's source of nourishment. Meh, maybe it's a long shot, but I do know that since breasts are portrayed in such a sexual way, they are then labelled as "private parts" (tee hee... ;D), thus, they are to be shut away, never to be revealed in public (let alone sucked on and fondled by a toddler in public)!!
If a woman is to breastfeed, she should take care not to reveal herself to the public eye, especially to those of children who are to young to be exposed to such sexual things... I think people have become very confused.
As a society, we need to get our priorities straight. Babies, NEED, milk. There is no substitute. Formula is not a healthy alternative, and in over 90% of cases, is not necessary (under 10% of women are actually totally unable to breastfeed their babies)! Many women don't understand breastfeeding. We are not educated about it, therefore, we assume it's not the normal thing to do.
A Matter of Changing the World
As breastfeeding women, hiding our BFing away from the public eye is not necessary, and for those who are on the fence about BFing, it's not helpful to never see it practiced in person. For some, breastfeeding is a very private thing, and if you choose to cover up and/or seek solitude when breastfeeding that is by all means your option, and take pride in your choice as a mother (I will say this to even the formula feeding mothers, as it is also your option. I simply aim to spread information and dispel misinformation about breastfeeding so that women are aware of their options). It is not seen as normal because it is not seen at all!! I implore you, if you are comfortable in exposing your breastfeeding to others, and aren't doing so just to spare the feelings of everyone else, reconsider your motives. Seek the humor in all the painfully obvious averted eyes, and all the misplaced attempts to demean or discourage you. Remember that you are exposing the next parenting generation to the normalcy of this practice. :)
My Plan...
I plan to breastfeed Clay until he weans himself. Yep, you read that correctly. After doing extensive research into the subject, I am now convinced that the age of 6 is the best (approximate) time to consider weaning (when the child will naturally begin to lose the ability to properly latch on anyway). Wondering why on earth I'd want to nurse a school age child!? Of course you are!! :D Read on... ;)
"According to the research of smith (1991), many primates wean their offspring when they are erupting their first permanent molars. First permanent molar eruption occurs around 5.5 to 6.0 years in modern humans. It is interesting to note that achievment of adult immune competence in humans also occurs at approximately six years of age, suggesting that throughout our recent evolutionary past, the active immunities provided by breast milk were normally available to the child until about this age (Fredrickson)." Read More...
