A Baby at a Mother's Breast

A tiny mouth, thirsty, hungry

Lip smacking, sucking fingers, waiting, expecting.

Mother and little expectant body... warm loving arms

A baby pressed against soft mother's skin, fragrant... beautiful mother.

Baby feels at home, connected... needing.

The smell of warm sweet milk lingering... a tiny nose, lips a perfect O... 

Eyes wide and wondrous... searching, rooting.

The instinct overwhelming, the miracle of life milk.

The breasts full, the nipples succulent for baby's eager tummy

Mother is home, mother is nourishment, life is mother.

Nothing else is in the moment of motherhood

Nothing else in baby's spirit, simple, sucking, loving.

Milk flows, souls meet, twist, embracing nurturing, nature.

I love you child, I love you mother.

Every thing is perfect.

Homeschooling...

It seems that once you delve into one of the many facets of attachment style parenting, it becomes infectious and the desire to lead an attachment based lifestyle with your family becomes pretty much addictive lol. I don't remember what I got into first, whether it was cloth diapering or breastfeeding, etc... but it's certainly been quite the domino effect!

Because I have an amazing boyfriend, it'll be much easier for me to be the stay at home mom I want to be (along with pursuing other things such as reiki and being a doula). He is 100% willing to bring in all the bacon so that our baby can be near exclusively breastfed for the first couple years of life, and even so that I can home school our little tiger. This concept is still very new to me though, so I am on the fence and plan on doing all the research I can (off to the library! :D).

It is true that I feel our political views and beliefs about life are in conflict with the way the school system operates, unfortunately. I see the benefit of learning in a one on one familial setting, where the methods of teaching and learning can be much more personal and diverse. I envision us venturing out to a near by park or some nice outdoor setting for a day of "class" on a sunny day... I see that having the potential to be very laid back and FUN for both parties. Not to mention there is the benefit of more fresh air and exercise. The opportunity to use the outdoors as a classroom setting is immensely appealing to me... I know I would have loved it as a child. Perhaps I would have been more interested in learning from my surroundings (which is what teaching is all about), than I was being immersed in a dull classroom full of rules I didn't understand, where I was forced to sit still and listen to an uninterested teacher drone on for a whole hour and a half. My butt would get so numb sometimes! 

Imagine a classroom in the woods on a day outing for homeschooling, where the only "rule" was to be open to learn. The difference is that in this setting I see for my child, the methods of learning can be uniquely individual and immensely diverse. There is choice, and opportunity for spontaneity. There may be more time for personal exploration, and a more encouraging atmosphere for self expression and individual opinion forming (without the pressure of mainstream programming).

To wake up in the morning and have breakfast in leisure, with no need to go anywhere for the day of learning to begin... To maintain a strong familial bond and to learn respect by being unconditionally loved and respected, instead of being demanded respect and expected to follow inflexible rules because the adult is the authority, end of story. I understand I may be making a wide generalization, as I am mostly basing my opinion on my experience in that system. For some people it works and they fit in well.

Some of the homeschooling benefits that appeal to me are that parents can control what the child learns, how, and when, that it can build a more intimate parent child relationship (and that relationship allows the parent(s) to know and be involved with their children on a deeper level), that parents can tailor their teaching to match a child's dominant learning style, the advantage of a more personal one on one setting for learning (and the ability to give more attention to the subjects which may be more challenging for the child), the flexibility of class scheduling (and the ability to take vacations during the school year), more opportunities to incorporate personal/familial beliefs and values into another aspect of family life, protection from violence and negative influences in public schools, the opportunity to nurture the child's innate talents more fully (such as art, music, physical activity, math, etc...), and to be more present for them during the difficult periods of development.

All of that being said, it makes my job a lot more challenging and I never really did very well in school to begin with... But I am considering all of my options. One of them being that I could home school our boy for the first few years of elementary, during a time when his mind is still very open and quite susceptible to extreme influencing (especially by a system that children are a part of almost all day, almost every day from age 4 or 5 onwards).

Anyhoo, this is where I'm at now. Maybe it'll change over time, maybe the school system will begin to see some good changes. For now I'm perfectly content helping my little guy learn about smiling and being loved. I love seeing him grow <3

Zoe's Guide to "Parenting on a Budget" :)

I have pretty much been thriving off of a $400.00 income (up until the end of January 2013), along with Christmas, birthday and baby shower money. It's lasted us until now. How did we thrive? and how do we afford a baby??

Well, when it comes to Food... we take advantage of the food bank, and we had a plot at a community garden last season, which provided us with Lots of fresh fruits and veggies. We've become experts at finding awesome stuff on the discount racks and we make our own food from scratch.

When it comes to Rent... We had roommates for a while to reduce the cost of paying for an apartment, but at the moment we are living with Eric's dad rent free until we get a little more financially stable. Come May we're planning on moving into a basement place with our own washer and dryer for $400.00 a month. Find the good deals!

When it comes to Baby Stuff... well, lets see... here is a list that I found on the internet of "a few basic start-up costs" ... Let's see what they have to say... 

Baby’s Room
Crib $100-$600
Crib mattress $50-$150
Crib sheets $40-$150
Bassinet: $50-$200
Mobile $30
Rocking chair $200-$400
Diaper changing table $100-$300
Diaper pail $25-$35
Baby books $20-$50
Baby monitor: $30-$100

Baby Clothing
Pajamas, 5 pairs: $40-$100
Onesies, 5 to 10: $30-$80
Play outfits, 5: $30-$80
Sleep sack, 2: $20-$45
Bibs, 5: $20-$40
Blankets, 4: $30-$80

Other Baby Equipment
Infant car seat and base: $40-$300
Convertible car seat: $80-$300
Stroller: $120-$500
Play mat: $25-$60
Swing: $80-$125
Bouncer: $45-$100
Soft or musical toys: $25-$60
Sling or other baby carrier: $40-$100

Baby Care and Feeding
Bathtub: $25
Baby shampoo and lotion: $20
Bath towels and washrags: $30-$50
Humidifier: $30-$60
Pacifiers, 4: $15
Breast pump and breast milk storage bags (if you are breastfeeding): $150-$300
Bottles, set of 6: $25-$40
Bottle brush: $5
Baby spoons and bowls: $15-$25
Safety gates: $100

Total: $1,685 to $4,625

AND, they forgot to mention the two largest potential expenses: formula ($1500.00-$2000.00 in a year) and disposable diapers ($1400.00-$2500.00 from birth to 2 years) altogether, that's a lot of dough...

Where do I start??? 
I'll tell you what I use for my baby...

Baby Clothing

-About 15 onesies (free (hand me downs, gifts and the food bank))
-About 10 sleepers (free)
-About 15 bibs (free)
(And I don't have specific clothes for sleep time or playtime.)

Other Baby Equipment

-Car seat (one of the big but necessary expenses)
-Toys and books
-Moby wrap 
-Ring sling (Check this out >> (No Sew Ring Sling Howto...)
-30 Cloth Diapers (off kijiji.ca) 
-About 10 Blankets from sheets to knitted ones 
-About 35 Receiving blankets (which I use for play mats and poop/pee mats in my bed)
-Baby monitor 

Baby Care and Feeding

-The sink or bath tub for bathing 
-Water instead of baby soap and shampoo 
-5 baby towels 
-Boobs for feeding (I may invest in milk storage bags and a couple of bottles in the future)
-LOTS of wash cloths (and a package of 70 natural wipes which usually last about 3 weeks when torn in half and used along with cloth wipes)
-I haven't bought any baby dishes as of yet because he's only 5 weeks old

So far I've spent under $500.00 on him. What a contrast... nowhere near their proposed $3000.00!!!

Clay doesn't use strollers, bouncers or swings and he sleeps in my bed.
Here is what I did and what I recommend if you're trying to save as much money as possible (and perhaps are interested in more basic and natural methods of raising children)...

-Consider bed sharing (The Benefits of Bed Sharing)
-Consider kangaroo parenting/baby wearing instead of using a stroller (and/or look for a stroller on kijiji.ca)
-Breastfeed instead of formula feeding
-Don't bother with unnecessary things such as changing tables and diaper pails (just use a change mat on a large flat surface (like the floor or the bed), and throw stuff out in the garbage or tied in plastic bags)
-Consider cloth diapering (yes they can cost a lot in the beginning, but you'll be spending hundreds less in the long run) Check out this video on using receiving blankets as cloth diapers! ;) (Cloth Diapering on a Budget) and these videos for a cheaper way to wash diapers (How to Make a Bucket Washer and How to Hand Wash Cloth Diapers)
-Take advantage of local food banks, look for organizations that help people with little income (especially for new parents), and check out kijiji.ca and second-hand places like Frenchy's and Value Village
-Be creative and use things for multiple purposes (use blankets as play mats, tear up old t-shirts for wash cloths, use adult towels for baby towels, make your own baby carrier (Make a No Sew Baby Wrap out of Shirts), etc...
-Get really good at finding sales 
-Grow some of your own food (and if you don't have a yard to do it, you can try to find a local community farm, or if you have a balcony try container gardening)
-Have a baby shower and don't be afraid to ask people for help!

All in all, I suggest thinking outside the box, in a non-disposable and back to basics way. You'll be saving hundreds of dollars in no time! I hope I helped :) Happy parenting!
Read more:http://www.justmommies.com/articles/costs-having-a-baby.shtml#ixzz2MuANWstq

The Birth of a Baby... and a Mother

This is the story of Clay's beautiful birth :)

I was having what I believed might be mild contractions at night. They woke me up every twenty minutes sometimes, but I got lots of sleep. I woke up in the morning (February 1st, 2013) and went to the bathroom... There was my mucous plug! There sure was a Lot of it this time... I smiled peacefully and went on with my day, impending labour and beautiful baby always somewhere on my mind. I had a couple of small contractions throughout the day, nothing huge. I had an appointment with my OB at the hospital that day, to check on baby and placenta, as I was a week and a half "over due". Everything was normal as I'd fortunately grown used to hearing all these months :) Dr. Nette (my lady OB whom I loved and sincerely hoped would be at my birth), told me that she would be on call that night, and not the next night but the morning following.

That evening while we were making supper, the contractions started coming back. I could feel the regularity of them and how they were getting stronger, little by little... We sat down to have supper and during conversation there began to be points where I had to stop talking to get through a contraction. I announced officially to both my partner (Eric) and our roommate (Jen) that I was actually in labour! We all Yayyed together! :D Later that night a couple of Jen's friends came over... Two awesome hippie guys that I really enjoyed, totally drunk lol. This was the first time I'd seen them, and they didn't know I was pregnant ;) I was chillin on my knees on the floor bent over my birthing ball, then Jen informed them that I was in labour. Their reactions were pretty freakin priceless lol :P They were both super excited. One of them said, "It's gonna get so painful, just get the drugs". I laughed inwardly... right :P

They eventually left, and the three of us (Jen, Eric and I) played a board game (The Settlers of Catan!) before bed. All the while contractions were getting stronger. Once we were in bed, we did some nipple stimulation, and did it ever strengthen the contractions!!! It made them so strong and so close together. The effect of that lasted a while, to the point where I thought Okay, we need to go to the hospital now... So I called my mom who's boyfriend was planning on driving us... No answer. We called again, and again, and again, and again... Finally we got through :P They'd been out of the house for just a few minutes. WE HAVE TO GO!!! So they drove down, packed up my stuff and we left. The car ride wasn't as bad as I'd heard some people say. We got to the hospital and they sent us to the lounge for a few minutes.

Me and Eric in the lounge :)

They got us a room and started monitoring contractions. I thought to myself, Dr. Nette is on tonight!!! YES! 

But when the nurse came back to check the contractions, she told me they were not very impressive. :P So I asked if she could check my dilation  and I was about 60% effaced, but only 2 cm dilated  :/ *sigh* We said we'd rather stay and see if they got stronger instead of driving all the way back home only to have to drive to the hospital again. I had a little nap and after an hour or two of waiting around the contractions started to diminish. Forget it, lets just go home. 

I didn't get much sleep that night. I woke up yelling at least a few times... and going to the bathroom... yeah, not much fun when it feels like your pooping a bowling ball. The next day (February 2nd) I stayed upstairs pretty much all day. Eric got me some food, but all I really ate much of was raisins, I didn't want anything else. He kept on reminding me to breathe, and this was the best piece of advice anyone could have given me. All through my labour, remember to breeeathe, deeep breaths, slooowly. 

I had a bath at one point (probably not a good idea since it really slowed down my labour :P). I stuck a couple fingers inside and felt something round and hard. HOLY CRAP I can feel the baby's head!! :D

We got the idea to call our midwife friend. Eric talked to her on the phone and she offered to come over to see how I was and check how far along I was so I wouldn't have to waste another trip to the hospital. She got there and checked my dilation. Still 2 cm... But the good news was that my cervix was very soft and I seemed 100% effaced. Also the baby's head was super low, so she said she thought that once I was fully dilated, this baby would pop out very quickly! Her advice to me was to get some rest and/or go outside for a walk. So I called my mom and asked if she wanted to come for a walk. She came down with her boyfriend and I very slowly got ready (it took me over an hour I think :P). Once I had my boots on, I decided I didn't want to go any more, it would be to painful (I think this is when I really began trying to shut down and run away from the pain/intensity of the contractions...). I went back upstairs and tried to get some rest. My mom knocked 4 or 5 times over the course of the afternoon/evening to ask if I wanted to go to the hospital to check my progress. Not yet. I came downstairs while supper was being made, and laid down on the couch. I was miserable. I started crying, saying I can't do this, ugh yes I can... But why am I not progressing!? How much longer is this going to take? :(

Everyone suggested that I move around, because I was only sitting around trying to avoid the intensity. I was tired. I reluctantly got up and began marching/dancing around the house to a meditative drumbeat my mom had playing on her laptop. I did laps around the house, closely followed by my devoted partner :) every once in a while I stopped and leaned over a chair, marching on the spot, swaying my hips to move my baby down. I had no inhibitions. I wailed when I wanted to, without holding back in the least. This helped immensely. We left for the hospital soon after I stopped marching. It REALLY worked! 

When we got to the hospital this time, they put us in a room right away (perhaps because they could see I was clearly in the throws of labour now lol), but it was a room with someone else (divided by a curtain)... I was concerned I was gonna stay there the whole time, since I was very loud and didn't want to disturb the woman next to me and I didn't want her distracting me either. Fortunately they moved me to a private room after checking my contractions (standing up), which were far more impressive than before :P The nurse checked my dilation (which was hard to lie down for >.<")... 6 cm! YES! That was a relief :)

This was the night that Dr. Nette was not on call, sadly. But I accepted it and knew that I had every right to get the birth experience I wanted, and if the OB that I had didn't like my birth plan, then screw him. I will do it myself :) (I had specified on my birth plan that I  would deliver my baby myself anyway). 

There were many things to take advantage of in the birthing room. I had a birthing ball (which I didn't actually use much), a big comfy reclining chair (which I used a lot), a shower (I used it once and the hot water felt sooo good), and a squatting bar on the bed. My mom brought her lap top and I had all sorts of prepared music playlists on it, but all I listened to the whole time was a Nature Sounds sound track. I brought SO MUCH stuff (decorations that spoke home to me, tiger balm, a mirror, labour clothes, food, a yoga mat, ear plugs, and so on...), but I used none of it, aside from my water bottle and a bit of food. 

I allowed the nurse to monitor my baby's heart rate periodically (it was always perfect), and she checked my dilation a few times (at my request). 7 cm, 8 cm... It was really late so I tried to get some rest. My mom and Eric took turns tending to me throughout the night, getting me water or warm blankets, and supporting me in the bathroom while I tried to go pee (GAAH!!!). They were both amazing support people, especially my beloved Eric. Amazing.


The chair was where I slept. One of my clearest memories is of sitting in that chair, and really relaxing into the contractions with my breath. That was the only way I would get any rest. I would breathe slowly between contractions, and when one started to come on I would take a deep breath in with the slow count of four, then exhale fully and rest at the end of the breath for a couple of seconds. It usually took about four of these breaths to get through a contraction. It was the most meditative experience...

Happy about Dr. Nette's arrival (lol)

I faded in and out, and every time I woke up I'd look at the clock... it slowly crept up on... 7:00 am, YAY! :) Dr. Nette is now on call :D <3 (February 3rd). The nurse checked my dilation again, and I was now 9 cm (this was the last time I was checked). I had felt like pushing long before now, and I had been, just a little bit with each contraction because it felt like I should. It felt good to do it. Now that I was at 9 cm, the urge to push was overwhelming. The nurse told me that when a contraction comes and I feel like I can't Not push, then feel free to push!

Dr. Nette arrived and came to greet me. I gave her a hug and told her I was happy she actually gets to be there for the birth :) 


Now, the real fun begins... Pushing a baby out of my vagina.

First I want to say that I was really happy and impressed with my nurses and the whole labour and delivery ward, and how well they conformed to my plan. It IS possible to have a peaceful and unassisted hospital birth. I loved it. 

Pushing was hard work. It was... well, labour. I tried many positions. I pushed in the chair, reclined for a while, but it kept on moving up and down during contractions and it just wasn't working. Dr. Nette suggested I try the bed, so I got up and hobbled to the bed, and someone helped me get on it lol. I knew that the lithotomy position was a dumb idea, at the same time the most comfortable position for me was leaning back. Not quite lying down, but not sitting or squatting. I knew it wasn't the best position to be pushing in but squatting was SO intense... Once again, I had to get over avoiding the pain and really dive into it if I wanted things to progress quicker. I tried using Dr. Nette's suggestion to pull on something tied to the squatting bar (since the bar was a bit to far for to to hold onto comfortably), it worked for a while, and then I tried being on my hands and knees... Wow it hurt, and I pooped a little bit lol, but every one who was watching gave me lots of encouragement, and kept telling me I was progressing well. They could see a couple centimeters of the baby's head emerging and retreating. I was unconvinced I was getting very far... contractions were far apart, and I had thoughts of asking them to break my waters to perhaps get things moving faster, but I quickly reminded myself that this baby would be born on it's own time, in it's own way. I would not interfere.

I moved into a squatting position, and began to push with this next contraction... and with all the subtly of the blink of an eye, a head popped right out! Not a second later came the rest of this slippery little body, along with a huge gush of fluid! He lay on the bed, our boy all purple and tangled up in his umbilical cord (which was wrapped around his neck 5 times!!). My nurse came rushing back into the room!! and I notice that Dr. Nette wasn't even there! (She came into the room a few minutes later, and we all laughed about it :]) I carefully picked up this tiny wet person that just popped out of me, untangled the cord, and leaned back into the bed, totally blissful... without a single thought of the long arduous challenge I just overcame. It's amazing how in the span of just a few moments, one's face can change from the expression of a person taking a poop the size of a small watermelon (in other words the most intense labour a human being is meant to endure lol), to the heavenly, blissful face of a person who... actually there is no comparison... the expression of a woman who sees the face of her newborn baby for the first time. Absolutely priceless. 

Newborn baby Clay <3

First attempt at breastfeeding :)

Grandma meets Clay

So peaceful...

Clay's first outfit (hehehe, poofy cloth diaper bum!)

      Yeah... I looked beautiful the next morning (LOL!)

Everything about Clay's birth went perfectly, but there was a bit of a glitch after he was born. I lost a lot of blood, because for some reason I kept on bleeding after he was out. Dr. Nette did all sorts of things she knew I would prefer (such as massaging my belly, getting us to do nipple stimulation, and giving me a shot of something (I can't remember what at the moment..) in the thigh) before putting me on pitocin to help strengthen contractions to stop the bleeding. That worked, eventually... but my blood levels dropped suuuper low. My hemoglobin levels were at 80 something % after I stopped bleeding. It was strongly recommended that I stay over night, and I certainly conformed to that recommendation, as I couldn't even sit up without feeling faint. The next day my blood was tested again, but this time my hemoglobin was at 56%! :S They gave me a blood transfusion and recommended I stay another night.I would have left hours after his birth if I could, but in a way I'm glad I stayed for a few days, as it gave me an opportunity to really settle into a pattern with him (with feedings and such), and learn more about breastfeeding from the hospital's lactation consultant. 

Feeling MUCH better the next day

Time to finally go home... :)

Getting dressed to leave...

I think it's a bit Big.... lol

Time to go!


All thing considered, I had an amazing birth experience. I am proud of myself. I did the research, and I fully followed through with my plan to have a drug free and intervention free hospital birth. It is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you to all involved for helping my experience be a positive and enlightening one.  

Watch Clay's Birth below! :) 

I'm a mom. Yes, I'm 18... and?

Hello, my name is Zoe and I'm an 18 year old new mommy to a beautiful baby boy named Clay. There are a few reasons why I'm starting this blog... One is because I have always loved writing, especially journaling, but I seem to have ditched it for the most part since I graduated high school (no boring classes to distract myself in anymore lol). Two because I'm a total advocate for attachment parenting (I'm all into baby wearing, breastfeeding, bed-sharing, cloth diapering, elimination communication, etc, etc...) and want to help others along their path if that's what they're interested in. And three, because I want to share My story, and help show others that just because I'm a mother who is a teenager, it doesn't mean that I can't/won't be the best mom I can be for my little boy. After all (here's something you probably weren't expecting), I had this beautiful baby on purpose!

Did your jaw drop? I can see why, from the mainstream point of view. People tend to criticize me because of financial concerns, or say things like, "your ruining your life, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into," and so on. I am not going to miss out on life, thank you. In fact I see things quite the opposite :). As for secondary education, I was never interested in going to college or university. All the things I strive for are achieved through specific training programs and workshops that I can perform while being a mother. Things such as Reiki (which I've had my level one in for over a year), becoming a birth and postpartum Doula (which I will begin later on this year or the next), infant massage, and permaculture & sustainable living. I had little knowledge of what I was getting myself into in the beginning, yes, but from the moment of conception I accepted the path I chose. I knew I would flourish in it. I knew I would love being a mom. I stuffed my noggin over full with knowledge on pregnancy, labour, birth, and parenting. Mostly the alternative "natural" methods, and some of the mainstream knowledge. I read books such as Childbirth Without Fear by (Grantly Dick-Read), Birthing From Within by (Pam England), Unassisted Childbirth (by Laura Shanley), Husband Coached Childbirth (by Robert A. Bradley), Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (by Ina May Gaskin), etc. I watched documentaries such as The Business of Being Born, Orgasmic Birth, and What Babies Want. I went to two prenatal classes (one was once a week for a month (by the hospital) and one was a day long course (by a midwife friend)). I also did super extensive research on the internet on how to have a healthy pregnancy, home birth and unassisted birth, unnecessary and invasive hospital procedures and how to avoid such things, kangaroo parenting, breastfeeding, bed sharing, cloth diapering, elimination communication (we'll get into that ;P), etc... I wrote a birth plan and went over it with my OB. As for financial concerns, my fiance works and we live simply. By that I mean that we don't want for new and expensive toys, we grow our own food and make things from scratch, and we're experts at finding the best sales ;). We believe that having and raising a healthy happy family has little to do with money, and that there is always a way to flourish and do much more than get by, by simply letting go of materialism and thinking outside the box. We were as prepared as we could be. but who is ever really prepared to become a parent?

So there you have a bit of my philosophy. I understand if I'm stepping on some toes here, and if those toes are yours then please know that this blog is only to share my life, and my opinions, not to push them on those who would see things another way. It's a journal to share my experience and to assist those who may be on a similar path. Thanks for reading :) There will be more very soon!